There’s a picture you have in your head. It’s of a dry, barren strip of baking desert. Beat-up bakkies, rusty caravan parks, perhaps; folks idling under the killer sun in sweat-wet white vests; sheep pilfering shards of pockmarked grass from cracked pavements.
Certainly, Upington has extreme heat. Its hotness is intense enough that some European vehicle manufacturers come here to conduct weather-and-climate tests on new cars – they park next-season models here for extended periods and then drive them around to see how they perform in extreme conditions. Plus, there’s the seemingly futuristic Khi Solar One energy generation plant that produces a frightening bright white glow in the middle of the day. If you’re not expecting it, you’ll assume a UFO is hovering in the desert.
But don’t let off-the-charts summertime forecasts scare you away. That picture in your head is dead wrong – there are plenty of nuances here, plus the fertility factor, thanks to the Orange River, which runs through the town.
At Le Must Residence, a beautiful guesthouse on the banks of the river, manager Cerina van Blerk calls Upington ‘a place you always return to’.
‘We have such a good quality of life: cruising on and swimming in the river, visiting farms and nearby lodges, trips to the Kgalagadi. The stars here are amazing, too. Even the smell of this place is different from anywhere else; you breathe easier here. And the people in this region are fantastic.’
Le Must’s privileged waterside location is complemented by a lush garden and sumptuous interior décor assembled by the late owner, Nëil Stemmet, a cookbook creator and creative force who left his mark on the town.
Upington does have its quirks, of course, and if you’re visiting from a big city, the retro atmosphere can come as a shock. Aside from the graciousness and seemingly quaint and old-fashioned good manners, there’s an undercurrent of leftfield creativity.
At Das Grün, a little café in an anonymous building on one of the main roads, the health-focused menu encompasses a “Grasshopper Pie” gourmet milkshake. And – believe it or not – a “vegan” lasagne, albeit mistakenly topped with real cheese. Still, it’s a far cry from the old belief that, here in the Kalahari, lamb’s a vegetable.
0–24 hours: A Day in Town
Chances are, if you made it here, you travelled far, and perhaps still need to travel on – to the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park or Augrabies, each a few hours more. But rather than rush off, spend a day exploring, perhaps sampling wines grown along the Orange River.
There’s a bit of culture to take in, too. The Kalahari-Oranje Museum comprises whitewashed buildings erected by the town’s first missionary, Christiaan Schröder, in the 1870s. It has agriculture and local history displays, mineral collections and San artefacts. Outside, the bronze Donkey Monument is a testament to these animals’ role in developing the Lower Orange River Valley.
About 2km from the museum, in front of the cop station, the bronze Camel and Rider statue honour the police who used camels as mounts when patrolling the Kalahari during the wild frontier days.
To try a few wines, visit Die Kerkmuis at Orange River Cellars (054 495 0040, 079 594 1339, orangeriverwines.com). It’s a laid-back cellar/tasting room/restaurant spilling out onto an open terrace and garden where children can run around. The name (“The Church Mouse”) is a nod to what is a humble venue that is always striving for greatness. Service is friendly, and food ranges from pancakes stuffed with milk tart (as moreish as it sounds) to delectable sirloin steaks, pork ribs and gourmet burgers made with two types of meat.
Upington’s biggest “jol” is the sunset river cruise aboard Sakkie se Arkie (literally Sakkie’s Little Ark), a double-decker raft with a cash bar. You might see catfish, monkeys, eagles and other birds. But the main ingredients are the lively crowd, the gentle sensation of the cruise, and cocktails made by Sakkie’s wife (weekends only unless there’s demand). R150 pp, 082 564 5447,
082 575 7285, arkie.co.za.
Round off the night at Red Ox Steakhouse where burgers are made with the finest ingredients, slabs of meat grilled to perfection, and pride taken in making every plate a miniature masterpiece – this is meat country, after all (vegetarians, take note: the menu explicitly states, ‘No Meat, No Life’). The décor features lots of mirrors and a collection of paintings by the late landscape artist Walter Meyer. There’s now also a River Deck annexe, where you sit on a wooden deck floating on the river, and can order pizzas, each of which comes with a free cocktail. Like most of the town, Red Ox is on Schröder Street. 060 329 3806, ncfamouslodges.com/red-ox-upington
24–48 hours: A Day Farther Afield
Spend a day visiting a few outlying wine cellars, perhaps going as far as Kakamas, 80km from Upington – the road, which is the same one you take to reach Augrabies Falls (120km from Upington), is enfolded by expansive vistas of rock formations in dazzling shades of ochre-orange, clouds adrift in blue skies, and the rather surreal sight of gigantic communal nests built by sociable weavers that transform telephone poles into photogenic artworks.
In Kakamas, once you get over the shock of having stumbled across vast and sprawling vineyards in the Kalahari, you can settle in for a long and languid pizza-and-wine lunch or a wine, brandy, or gin tasting at Die Koker Kombuis (066 378 7034, diekokerkombuis.co.za). The name means, literally, “the quiver kitchen”, named for the quiver trees found in the Northern Cape. The menu includes reasonably priced pasta dishes and terrific steaks, and the restaurant is attached to the tasting room at Die Mas van Kakamas (072 421 1691), a family-run estate where spirits are also distilled.
The alfresco deck has abundant vineyard views, and children can follow the boardwalk and busy themselves with a short stroll along the wooden walkway to see farm animals and a herd of springbok around the corner.
There is another branch of the restaurant at the farm stall near the edge of town – you can’t miss it, the pink signage for Die Pienk Padstal.
At Bezalel Estate Cellars, along with wine, Tinus Bezuidenhout produces and sells really good brandies and high-quality liqueurs produced with his pot still. It’s a family business, so either Tinus or his son, Martiens, will likely be pouring generous tastings, something all except the designated driver will appreciate. There is also a walk-through of the distillery and maturation cellar, and a restaurant, Le March, serving Kalahari biltong and avocado salad, Kalahari venison pie, and beef-and-brandy burgers. It also sells a beautiful range of deli products, from Kalahari salt and barbecue sauce to wild marula jam produced on the farm. Tinus knows everyone in the area, so think of him as a tourism resource, too. The estate is situated at Dyasonsklip, off the N14, between Upington and Keimoes (054 491 1325, bezalel.co.za); tastings cost between R30 and R120 for one or two hours.
Where to Stay
African Vineyard
Set in labyrinthine gardens amid expansive vineyards on Kanoneiland (Cannon Island) in the Orange River around 25km southwest of Upington, this handsome guesthouse has a mix of large rooms filled with imaginative, handcrafted and/or upcycled furniture and fittings and more modest, but equally homey, doubles set in converted farm buildings. Vineyards stretch out in all directions. Plus there’s an excellent on-site spa.
From R1 368 per room pn, including breakfast
060 503 8449, 079 855 7565
Le Must Residence
Dark-hued, immensely stylish, and filled with vintage furniture, beautiful period pieces and immaculate antiques, this glamorous but unpretentious guesthouse is packed with individuality and charm. It feels almost like a museum, albeit one with comfortable rooms, including a gigantic marvel of a Presidential Suite. It has a lush garden and you can walk down to the river. From R1 400 per room, excluding breakfast
082 828 1885
By Keith Bain
This article originally appeared in the January 2023 print issue of Getaway
