Table Mountain, “˜tick’, penguins at Boulders, “˜tick’, township tour, “˜tick’. Sometimes visiting Cape Town seems like one long cliché. Capetonians may enjoy looking down on people blithely wandering around with “˜things to do’ lists and maps; but don’t worry, if you ask they probably haven’t done any of them. But, to be honest, things like Table Mountain, Cape Point and the winelands should be “˜done’, for the obvious reasons, and those feathered tuxedos on the beach are, unfortunately, pretty cute. Whether you are just visiting or have grown up in the Mother City try the usual with a twist; take a gander at this list of some (slightly obvious) things to do in Cape Town. Make your exploration of Cape Town stand out as the white and black penguin amongst the rest. For adults only, some of the twists might refer to the lemon in your margarita or the cap off your beer. So to start ticking, but feel less cheese-ridden, read on …
1. The biggy – Table Mountain
Hard to avoid in Cape Town; both in your guide book and driving around. It’s best to get it out of the way first – just make sure it’s ticked off on a warm and, more importantly, clear day. The best time is just before the last cable car leaves as hiking and imbibing is not recommended. This will achieve two objectives: first, you won’t fall off the side of the mountain due to cloud cover and second, you will get to see the sunset. Now to mix it up a little (twisty-ness may be slightly exaggerated). Pick an interesting and unique way to get there and take something interesting and unique to drink once you do. Option for the first part: hiking. Skeleton Gorge being the obvious choice of that obvious choice, other less accessible options could be parachuting or hiring a helicopter. To parch your hiking thirst on arrival at the top: take some white wine, find a spot on the stone wall over looking Camps Bay and enjoy the portrait of sea and sun blending into moon and sky. Failing that (who forgot the booze) there is a restaurant and cocktail bar available at the top for those needing assistance in refreshment activities.
2. Shaken and stirred – great white shark cage diving
Sharks are fish not friends, but they are also not the blood thirsty whirling dervishes of death you may have heard they are. Cape Town is one of the premier places worldwide to stare down the gullet of a great white shark from the safety of a cage with bars a centimetre or two thick. No drinking before or during (no matter how much you need it) as sharks’ boozing behaviour isn’t a topic of research and trips can start early in the morning. You will also want clear vision to witness the sharks breaching as they hunt the local seals from neighbouring Seal Island; seeing sharks weighing up to several tonnes go airborne will sober you up in a hurry. Unless you are very quick with the camera (or lucky) I don’t recommend trying to get a photograph as you will end up spending the trip buried in your camera lens and miss all the action with nothing to show for it. Later on, play 30 minutes in heaven by taking your turn in the cage and ducking down in the frigid False Bay sea to get a look at these giants of the toothy grin. Jaws will flash into mind and just as swiftly out again as the shark doesn’t try and cleave the cage in twain to get at you. Relax and enjoy the show – it really is a once-in-a-life timer. Once you are dressed and back on land, a stiff drink is highly recommended, fortunately you can now legitimately make your way to the Salty Sea Dog restaurant just up from the pier and get yourself a Boilermaker (if you can get them to make you one).
3. Shanty shenanigans – Mzoli’s
Township tours are mandatory for visitors and generally avoided at all costs by locals. Mzoli’s is the happy medium where both can join together and appreciate the razzmatazz of Gugs (Gugulethu). Mzoli’s is a safe haven for those with guilt-sodden drinking habits as it is encouraged quite vehemently. Meat-hating fascists should not even bother as Mzoli’s, having evolved from a butchery, will make the grass shrivel in your veins as roasting flesh is both the icing and the cake, and the whole hog. Understandably, a day at Mzoli’s can make one feel like one has experienced the ‘real’ Cape Town, as for a tourist; ‘township’, ‘shebeen’ and ‘local’ are orgasmic words. Incongruously you can pair you perfectly-braaied braaivleis with a cocktail from the neighbouring cocktail bar, the stars in your eyes will be dimmed by having to buy your glass first, so rather visit that other place, the shebeen, and get a man-sized bottle of beer. Empties can be returned for cash, so you are actually making money as you drink.
4. Stumble on – Lion’s Head & Signal Hill
Congratulations on making it this far, but be careful as the mountain-like nature of Lion’s Head is liable to make inebriated injuries likely. Lion’s Head is the go-to getaway without getting away in Cape Town. Bad day, good day, any day – end them all up Lion’s Head to meet the last rays of the sun and greet the moon with a howl (more likely a whimper, as it can get cold). There are two options. The first is energy intensive and involves about an hour’s walk with a short climb up to the top of Lion’s Head. On nights of the full moon watch the show of meandering lights make its way to the top like drunken fireflies toward a bright light as people scramble for a place on the summit. On arrival at the top; sit and appreciate the magnificence of the fact that you made it up in one piece, then take a look at the view. It can get quite busy so be careful and mark your territory. The satisfying crackle of beers opening celebrates your arrival. In this climate of global warming and energy saving light bulbs, the second option may seem more appropriate. If you continue on past the route up Lions Head and follow the meandering road you will arrive at Signal Hill – the personal energy saver option. This is the source of sore necks throughout the city bowl as people turn to look for the origin of the midday bang – the noon day gun firing or ‘signalling’ from the hill. Once there a short walk will take you to more secluded areas away from the engorged buses full of camera-mad tour groups. It is self service only, so make sure you bring a satisfactory stock of your favourite tipple.
5. Trip hippy – Kirstenbosch Summer Concerts
Winter may never have really arrived but you should still celebrate the arrival of summer. Sundays are filled to the brim with things to get done, albeit at a slow and leisurely pace. Kirstenbosch Summer Concerts are a much-loved way to end off the weekend and forget the upcoming week for a few hours. Whether you roll your way in from an indulgent Sunday lunch with requisite rivers of wine and beer or dust off the sand from a day on the beach on arrival, remember; find a spot on the grass, unzip the cooler box, take in the view, listen to some good tunes, let out that sigh, and relax . The best spots may be close to the stage but you have to get there early to claim them and attempting to make your way out of the herd on any mission makes you vulnerable to being unable to find your way back. Walking through the maze-like crowds requires the agility of a gymnast to twist through. Just a warning, you may see strangely dressed people wandering around and pondering the beauty and significance of the chromatic pyschedelia on display at the garden. Don’t startle them, they may be seeing things slightly differently to you and reactions will vary. The concerts begin in late November but book early as they are very popular.
Where do you like going in Cape Town? Post a comment and tell us about any of your (hopefully less obvious) favourite places to get out and have some fun in Cape Town.
