Don’t underestimate the Karoo. Geologically it covers two thirds of South Africa. It’s big and it’s dry and it’s full of snakes and angry plants that look like they’re pulling a middle finger at you. Plants like bitter-appel which have the sole purpose of ‘making sheep and goats appear drunk and aggressive’. The locals say this is where the Lord threw the devil down. In the south east is the Klein Karoo, a vague area between Barrydale and Oudtshoorn strung together around the Route 62. This is the centre point for the war of the farm stall. Tannies getting overexcited about drying, percolating and preserving every type of fruit they can get their hands on. The motto of the Klein Karoo is, ‘if it can be made into konfyt, it must be made into konfyt’. No fruit is safe. Peaches and pears. Mangos and plums. Raisins and chutneys next to jams, jalapeños, oils and honeys followed by dried fruit and seared fruit and pies of fruit. Milk tarts next to fudge and fresh bread baked daily. All the things that make you fat and happy. You’d never imagine so much sweet from a valley so sour.

The Worcester toll is the gate to our adventure. TOM TOM sends us straight into a land of people torn between the burning desire to hang cursive wire words on a wall or pot another cactus. Superlink 7-axle trucks roar at you through the throat of the mountain and you exit to chase the Cape Fold of mountains with white box houses hiding in rusting hills. Everything looks like it’s rusting. Here they like to keep their road tar hard and lines clean as if to say, “Nothing’s happening here. We’re fine. Move on nicely now” and they’ll pull over in their Isuzu’s to let you over overtake and flick hazards twice and flash thank you. It’s like stepping into an old cupboard of South Africa where the Farmers Weekly and the Old Testament are the only social strings carefully hanging the place together.

Ashton. Robertson. Montagu. Barrydale. A string of towns that sound like the batting line up of a touring English cricket team. Barrydale is the old uncle who ran away to start a off-road biker pub. The region is a dust box playground for orange KTM’s and Blue-grey BMW 1200’s that hover with their lights on like transformers in the rear-view mirror. Church choir was the biggest thing happening on Thursday night when we arrived. There’s a fine art shop called MUD and a cafe called Roadkill. We crashed in Lentulus (spring love) B&B above the pear trees after day riding the sugar high of ‘boere tapas’. Wine makers in the region are very passionate about their bold Shiraz. Port to clear the head. Brandy to clear the soul.

The road to Calitzdorp is where gearboxes beg the hills for forgiveness. Calitzdorpians cruising the streets are part gangnam style, part Spoek Mathambo parody video. You get the feeling that people in the Klein Karoo get really good at making fires while eeking out the meaning of life from thorny hills. We spent our second day exploring Oudtshoorn which is the high and holy capital of the koeksister. The snobs of the Karoo. Queens of the coconut balls. The mucho meringues with a high school that looks like an army training facility. Locals eat apple strudel and breed special types of lap dogs. I can’t help thinking about ostrich when eating it. As one of the last survivors of a thousand years in a prickly landscape they seem to have escaped the invisible hand of Darwin by sheer stupidity and are immortalized in purple feather dusters. Behind Oudtshoorn lies De Rust. It’s a slightly eerie art town of wendy houses and child friendly craft shops. Directors would easily choose De Rust for a Standard Bank advert about small-town South Africa.

Our second night was spent in a designer farm cabin called ‘The Place’ just outside Ladismith. It’s a taste of life far away from any mechanized sort of city living; at least 3 hours drive from pre-packaged take-aways or 24-hour fried chicken nuggets. It’s the opposite of commerce, where art couples pursue a simple organic-themed way of life. Farm animals become personalities and roosters work hard for your eggs in the morning. It’s a landscape filled with cactus, thorns, shale and things that want to get to your feet and cut them. River rock pools photograph like faded travel magazines. At night, only the sounds of baboons barking, rooikat yelping and Capetonians tweeting.

For our last night we headed through towns with names like high school rugby teams heading to Craven Week. Buffelsdorp. Boerboonsfontein. Keeskraal. Wolverfontein. In a valley that could be Kenya, we manhandle lamb chops and Shiraz next to a braai @janbraai would be proud of. Stoney Cottage has the type of exclusivity reserved for celebrity couples and wealthy WASPs. A beautiful big house next to a river with sounds to massage your ears and 17 types of fynbos.

The most memorable trips become iconographies. A system of signs, stops, checks and photo ops. The Route 62 is often in a sentence with the word ‘iconic’ which means it’s slowly turning into a string of expected experiences. But the real adventures are found just off the track if you use the signposts as starting points.

karoo office.

rocks. lots of rocks.

boere tapas. about 2 million calories.

found object.

Barrydale.

Still life with highheel.

plates are big in the karoo.

a Route 62 icon.

Lots of Roads.

Route 62 logo is iconic.

mini koeksister.

Cafe Brule. Queens Hotel. Oudtshoorn.

Oudtshoorn Attractions.

Church is also big in Oudtshoorn.

Angry plants.

Road to De Rust.

Locals.

More roads.

Route 62 signage.

The Place.

Braaing. The official sport of the Karoo.

Nothing compares to Karoo evenings.

Rockpool hunting.

Karoo life.

yes, more roads.

manhandling lamb and shiraz.

Stoney Cottage. Wanted to spend a week here.

have a break.

the other Karoo sport.

thank you.

Places we stayed on Route 62

Lentelus B&B outside Barrydale: www.lentelus.co.za

‘The Place’ in Buffelsfontein (somewhere under the stars near Ladismith): www.the-place.co.za

Stoney Cottage, one of Perfect Hideaways beautiful spots near Touws River: http://www.perfecthideaways.co.za/karoo/stoney-cottage . You can also follow @PerfectHideaway.

I’m doing a series of these road trips as a way of launching the new Europcar Facebook app with Getaway Magazine. The app helps you plan and browse cool roadtrips around South Africa. You can check a map of my full trip ‘#Route62’ out on on the Europcar App page.

You can also follow me on twitter @guy_with_camera.