So, the corridors echo silently, coffee mugs stand empty and the whirring and tap-tapping of computers are eerily absent. How do you know this? Because you are in the office over Christmas. You are the soldier left behind, abandoned by colleagues seeking to improve their fluorescent tans. It doesn’t matter that you chose this, that extra vacation time is faraway and not going to help you through this depressing period. However, what may help is realizing the office is now your playground and you should take advantage of it. Here are some ways to entertain yourself while stuck in a cardboard-walled cage.
Office pranks
These can start off innocent and small, then quickly escalate into an Office Space scenario and you celebrating the new year by finding a new job. Flames and general destruction are a bad sign. Ignore that creepy devil who sits on your shoulder and thrives on alcohol and isolation. That little guy doesn’t hold back and tells you no-one is off-limits, so remember to take a moment and think about what he is suggesting. Pick your target. It should be someone you have a good relationship with, unless you have a hated Dwight-esque underling or co-worker – then all bets are off. For inspiration Fight Club is too much but The Office is just right (the US version, the UK series is too accurate and depressing to watch while actually in an office).
Ideas: Stationary in jelly – classic and relatively easy to do; wrap office in wrapping paper – takes time and effort but well worth it (may make you sad as Christmas paper is inherently jolly); put knock-knock jokes as welcome messages and Justin Bieber as start-up tune on computers; lastly, put flies in the freezer, when someone takes them out they will defrost and come back to life.
A little research and you can discover the perfect prank for your colleagues, apparently there is a lot of suppressed rage out there.
Office nookie
Mmmmm. Stop day-dreaming and git-r-dun! You are alone in the office, it is natural you should want some company. Significant others are good, think of it as take your-(insert term here)-to-work week, perhaps that could be part of the game… Co-workers also working over Christmas are fine in a pinch, just watch out for awkwardness, such as after any office Christmas party. Movies such as Disclosure or Secretary planted the seeds and now they can grow.
Everyone has thought about it: walking past your boss’s big desk, sitting around that huge conference table or even the photocopier – they all suddenly take on a whole new potential as wierd 80s music starts playing in your head. Repeat performances promise the days will just fly by, and an added benefit is the happy memories every part of your office will now have for you. Just watch out for security cameras, neighbouring buildings and accidentally putting video-conferencing on. Unless that’s your thing.
Getting nosy
We all have that cat-lady nosiness in us. Drawers, piles of papers, filing cabinets – they become forbidden treasure houses of mystery and intrigue. It doesn’t generally matter how mundane the contents may be; you could easily spend a few hours pawing through the contents of someone’s desk. If it is left unlocked then you can’t be blamed for taking a peek. Ignore that slightly guilty feeling, maybe even enjoy it a little bit. Who knows what you may discover. However, if you do find something controversial or disturbing, you can’t un-find it and you will be hard-pressed to explain how you came by that information. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, do you really want to know how much money your boss makes or which colleagues are closet deviants?
Internet
You are all experts at wasting time surfing the internet, so there is not much to say here. Think of this more as permission and encouragement: go on, waste time! Keep in mind that you are stuck in the office and looking at pictures of people on holiday or otherwise doing anything but sit in an office can be depressing and, actually make the hours pass slower! Adult sites, tempting as you are alone in the office, but remember those IT guys are like Big Brother – they know everything. Don’t get caught with your pants down.
Lamebook and cracked are a good place to start.
Party like its some random year
Put those earphones away. This is your office now, turn up the music, have a bit of fun and maybe even sneak a drink. Once you get over the initial awkwardness, it is an office after all, you may find it as freeing as dancing naked around your living room. (I wouldn’t go that far though)
Actually getting work done
Sad but true, you could spend the time getting ahead of the curve, but think about all the time you will have to waste when you are back in the office! Wasting time then is even more difficult as you will have to hide it from all your -co-workers. To be honest, this isn’t a real suggestion, so pay no attention to it.
Photos by: disterics, Jeremy Vandel (Flickr)
